L - Blind and Delayed ID Leads

Rich Cameron

By: Rich Cameron

Posted: 5/15/08

Want to write a good lead? One tip that most writers --both beginning and experienced-- miss is to find out who the story is about and put that person or group in the lead. Even better, make sure you put a PERSON into the lead. It is not always possible to do that, but your stories automatically become more interesting when you can.

The next few writing assignments will require you to put a person into the first paragraph.

The problem with doing that, though, is that the proper way to introduce people into leads is to include a full name and some kind of identification --a title, a description or an address, etc. That can result in long first paragraphs if the description or title is long. But there are a couple of ways to legitmately split the name from the title/description. We'll call them the blind lead and the delayed identification lead.

With the blind lead we put the title/identification in the first paragraph by itself. The reader has a clue as to who we are talking about, but is still blind as to who the person is. Then we follow up immediately in the second paragraph in telling the reader who we are talking about.

The delayed identification lead is just the opposite. In the first paragraph we put the person's name, but we withhold the title/description (or identification) for the second paragraph.

Actually, the blind and delayed ID concepts can extend beyond just a person. You can mention a "local company" in one paragraph and name the local company in the second paragraph if you want. The concept of splitting the name and identification --in either order-- is a pretty handy tool in newswriting.

Let's see how the concepts work with information from the workbook exercize on some teachers winning an award (Exercise 24).

First, let's quickly find out what the story is about:

The Eric Griswold Prizes were announced today. (use a real day) (so what? why should our readers care? and just what is the Eric Griswold Prize?)
Two East Hills College faculty members are the winners. (ahhh, the old local angle; that's why our readers might care)
They'll each get $1,000 and a gold medal. (you first have to explain that they won before telling what they get, so we won't start with this)
We learn what the prizes represent. (again, important, but first you've got to say they won before telling them what they won for; note that you won't actually use the words "quote" and "unquote" in your story)
We learn how their names came to be considered. (old news, but something we want to include because it answers an important question our readers might have)
We find out exactly who the winners are. (obviously an important element to the blind or delayed ID lead we'll write)
We find out exactly what they did to win. (we'll pair this with the reason the awards are given)
We find out when they will be honored. (the "when" is important, but don't start your story with it)

So, what is the story about?

I'm telling my imaginary friend: Two local college instructors won an award for some research they are doing.

And since we want to start using blind or delayed identification leads, we should go through a thought process of comparing names with titles/descriptions.

NAME	TITLE/DESCRIPTION
Julia Trosko Charles Tsui	Two East Hills College/local agronomy professors (see directory at the end of the workbook)
Eric Griswold Prize	Given for research "contributing to the welfare of humanity"
Griswold Foundation	No ID given, but we have a clue on how it selects winners
awards	$1,000 and gold medal

Let's try a blind lead.

Two local college professors have been named as this year's winners of the Eric Griswold prize.
In the second paragraph we've got to complete the blind lead. But note that we also introduced the prize. We should also complete that delayed ID element. Note that we have included a "when" element in the first paragraph --have been named-- that is pretty generic. But it gives us a sense that the story is timely. If this were a delayed ID lead, we'd put their names in the first paragraph and withhold the fact that they are East Hills College instructors until the second paragraph. But let's complete the blind lead:: Julia Trosko and Charles Tsui are being honored for their research "contributing to the welfare of humanity."
No need to repeat key words like "professor" in the second paragraph; it is clear that they are the winners. We've introduced that generic description (name) of why they won. In the next paragraph we should be more specific for the reader and complete the delayed ID concept. Also, we might want to tell the reader what the two teach. We get that from the directory in the back of the workbook.: The two agronomy professors have been experimenting with new varieties of plants that have potential as sources of food in semi-arid areas of the world.
And now we'll finish off with the rest of the unused facts.: The two will each receive $1,000 and a gold medal at a faculty convocation at the college's Performing Arts Center this Saturday.

The prize is given each year by the Griswold Foundation. Nominations for prizes are submitted by colleges and universities in this and other countries.

Note that I left out the word "cash" after $1,000. Odds are that they will really get a check. And even if they get cash, to say so would make them targets for muggers. In other words, the word is unimportant when you use the dollar sign. Now, if they were going to get $1,000 in trading stamps or tax-free savings bonds or something unexpected like that, we'd need to say so.

Identify the following leads as delayed ID or blind

A 13-year-old San Ricardo boy was hospitalized Tuesday after he ran into the path of a car near San Ricardo High School.
The Athenian Grille restaurant was the victim of vandals Wednesday night.
John Page was arrested Thursday in connection with the burglary of the County Line Liquor Store.
A San Ricardo man and two teen-agers have been honored for heroism resulting from their efforts to save a child from a burning building last month.